Over 2kgs. I am the queen of gaining the last 5kgs, losing it, then gaining it.. getting pregnant etc etc I feel I should document how I do it.

I figure I’d quite like to lose 6kgs before we start TTC (trying to conceive) again. It’d be nice to start from “my ideal” place.
Also my ideal health. I’ve been feeling less than 100% basically since I stopped breastfeeding Reuben and my diet went down the drain like you can’t even imagine. My post-shower-crazy-itching is back with a vengeance which I can only assume is down to too much refined carbohydrates (basically what my diet consists of right now). My skin is not good and there’s only so much makeup you can put on to hide it. I’m just sick of being not 100% with how I feel and how my clothes fit, and not doing anything about it.

I feel like I kind of forgot that no one was gonna do this for me, and it’s a bit ridiculous that I have all this knowledge and experience on what to do and how to do it to not just dominate it. It’s getting me down dwelling on it. What a loser.

So lets do it!

Starting with tomorrows breakfast: 2 eggs, salad and beans! Whatever kind of beans you feel like. For me – it’s whatever happens to be in the cupboard, in a can . A cup of black coffee, and lot of water.

And then, for snacks/lunch/second lunch/whenever:
*more eggs
*hemp protein shake (spinach/berries/yog/water)
*frozen fish either pan fried or oven baked
*sachet of tuna (flavoured)

I’ll update with my actual diet tomorrow. But for now, its past midnight and I’ve got washing to hang out. Time for bed.. nighty night. Please share with me what’s worked for you if you’ve lost weight, or if you are happy with your body, how do you keep yourself happy with your body? xx

My TV watching since being pregnant has exponentially increased and I no longer think I can blame it on little R, I need to admit I am addicted…

Anyway Kourtney & Kim Take New York is my not so secret guilty pleasure – and Kourtney K is my favourite hollywood Mom for sure (see how I used american spelling there). Not only is she a super breastfeeding advocate – she has talked openly about her breast feeding experience and how sad it was for her to stop at 14 months – I spotted her reading one of my favourite baby books – Super Baby Food!

I’ve had Super Baby Food since little R was born and it has been an invaluable resource, especially when we started weaning/eating solids around 6 months. Go buy it if you are pregnant or are weaning, it is a fab book. xx

Well I did it! Giving birth was by far the most excruciatingly painful experience of my life, but at the same time, so enjoyable and amazing – I got to have the home birth I wanted (but only just!), and gave birth to a gorgeous (albeit massively cone-headed) baby boy weighing in at 7lb and 5oz, way less than I was expecting.

He is the most alert little guy ever. He came out with his eyes wide open and looking around, no crying or anything like that, just breathing well and taking everything in his stride. This photo was taken right after he was born and before he had even been cleaned up! So fresh and new to the world. The first photo was about an hour after he was born and on the bed he was born on!

I’ve stuck my birth story after the jump if you want to have a read. It’s pretty long and involved and sort of TMI but there you go…

I woke up at 6.30am on the 19th of May having what I thought may have been Braxton Hicks. I never had any during my entire pregnancy so I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on. I was getting 30 seconds of intense period-pain feelings low down across my bump. I tried to go back to bed but lying down made them unbearably painful so I got up and wandered around our apartment and went on the internet. I started timing them on my husband phone and they were around 6-7mins apart. I kind of felt like something might be happening but I didn’t want to be too dramatic and breathing through them was totally fine.

My husband woke up and I told him I thought we might be having the baby today. He asked me whether I wanted him to stay home from work but I didn’t see the point of losing a days wages when I wasn’t even sure what was going on. He left with strict instructions to check his phone often and we were confident he would be able to get home from work in time if something did happen.

I spent the rest of the morning with my parents who were obviously quite excited and Mum started timing my contractions. They were still every 6-7 minutes apart. I knew to call my midwife when they reached 5 minutes apart. They were definitely getting stronger though and I tried not to let on to my parents by continuing conversation with them etc when I had one. They had been planning on going shopping at lunch time and I eventually managed to convince them that I was fine and they should still go. They left and I tidied the house and put a waterproof sheet on our bed on top of a set of sheets so the bed would be ready to sleep in after the baby was born. I cut up a cheap shower curtain to fit down the hallway to the bathroom. I wandered downstairs and saw a few older women and they said it was going to get a lot more painful than this! We had a bit of a laugh and I went back upstairs. I decided climbing stairs was a bad idea and to be avoided at all costs from now on as it made the contractions a lot harder to deal with. The pains were starting to last longer and I was thankful I had my midwife appointment at 2pm.

My parents arrived back home and I had some grapes for lunch (bad move, in future I will eat much more food at this stage!) and we took off for my appointment. I should mention at this point that my midwife and I have differing opinions over a lot of things and I was feeling nervous that she would make me have an internal examination when before I was certain I didn’t want any and would refuse them. My first blood pressure reading was sky high and I started feeling nervous knowing this would make them very wary of birthing at home. Anyway my midwife said she was going to give me an internal and a sweep. I didn’t refuse at this point because I was feeling curious to know how far along I was (slightly angry at myself for giving into this now) and because I didn’t want to have a fight with my midwife in front of my mum who was still in the room. Anyway just as she started she said “Your waters have gone!” I said “What!!” and felt them gush out everywhere, I was very angry because having my waters broken was one of the major things I had definitely NOT wanted. She reassured me she hadn’t actually done anything but I felt rather annoyed at myself for allowing an internal and the coincidental timing of the whole thing I still feel funny about… I’m sure had I not had the examination my waters would have gone a lot later allowing me to have a more natural labour. Anyway she gave me an internal and announced I was only 2cm and that the baby was coming tonight. I was slightly dismayed at only being 2cm but expressed my thoughts at how painful the internal was to which she said “You better get used to it – what do you think we will be doing at your house tonight?” (I was scared at this…). Anyway I assumed all was fine but then they took my blood pressure 3 more times. I could see my mum getting a bit emotional on the other side of the room because she had raised blood pressure while carrying me and had a very bad labour/birth.

This is where I almost broke down because they told me I had to go to hospital for monitoring. Had my mum not been in the room I think I would have fought them but she was backing them up and they were very insistent. I started crying and saying that I really didn’t want to and that I knew once I was in hospital that I wouldn’t be able to come home. She reassured me that if my blood pressure came down they would let me leave. I had no choice reall but to accept what they were saying.

At this point I almost completely lost it and rang Jonno in tears outside trying to explain the situation. I asked him to leave work and go to the hospital. My parents drove me back home – I said I wanted to get stuff for the hospital but really I just wanted as much time as possible to calm down! Anyway calming down was NOT happening at all in any form because my contractions had just intensified about 4 times in pain from my waters going and probably the fact I was stressing out. They were coming every 5 minutes and I just knew in my head that once I got to hospital with my blood pressure being so high and having proper contractions there was no way out.

We jumped in the car to head to the hospital and the contractions got worse again. I tried to breathe and calm myself but I kept bursting into tears and couldn’t believe the whole situation. We arrived at the hospital and at triage my blood pressure was even higher to the point where even I was quite worried. They moved me to the labour ward and hooked me up to the ctg (monitor that looks at baby’s heart beat and my contractions) and a blood pressure monitor. My first blood pressure reading was almost normal! I was overjoyed. I asked the midwife how long I would have to stay on the monitor as I wanted to go home and staying on the bed was worse than walking around. She said 2 or 3 hours and my heart almost broke.. I text Jonno telling him to hurry as I needed his support and I felt sure the baby was going to be born in the hospital. Eventually the doctor came in to assess me again and I begged her to go home. She said they were waiting on my blood results and if there was nothing wrong then I could. At this point I was overjoyed. I also realised that the CTG had slipped down and was not picking up my contractions which were now 3-4 minutes apart and rather painful. Actually very very painful from having my movements restricted. I was worried that I was not coping very well with the pain and still had some time to go.

Jonno arrived and we left the hospital together. It was rush hour traffic (6.30pm) and I knew the drive home was going to be agony. It certainly was, labouring women should never ever go in a car at that point. Poor Jonno was trying to drive fast while avoiding bumps and finding alternate routes home to the traffic. At one point we were stuck in a traffic jam and I was writhing around in the passenger seat praying to God to help me through this. It seemed like the contractions were getting longer and longer but I had long since lost the ability to time them by this stage.

Eventually we arrived home and called my midwife who said she was on her way. I paced around the house trying to breathe through contractions. At this point I noticed if I sat down I almost fell asleep instantly, but then woke to a horrendously painful contraction. I was feeling nauseous and extremely, extremely tired. I realise now that I hadn’t had anything to eat except a few grapes the whole day and a piece of bread! My midwife arrived and told me I wasn’t breathing properly and needed to cope better so I tried to keep doing her method of breathing. I laboured on the toilet for a bit and at this point I asked her where the second midwife was (who brings the gas & air) as I was getting worried I wasn’t coping. She said she wouldn’t call her until she had assessed how far along I was (meaning an internal). I point-blank refused and Jonno started explaining to her why I didn’t want one. She said fine she wouldn’t give one if I didn’t want it but still wasn’t going to call the second midwife. I was NOT impressed as gas & air is your only option for pain relief and you are meant to be able to have it from the beginning of labour. Eventually she wore me down and promised a quick and gentle examination (which it was not) from which she said I was only 4cm. I was slightly distraught by this news thinking I was further along and she then called the next midwife.

The second midwife arrived just after 8.30 with the gas & air. By this stage I was starting to make noise through the contractions and convinced myself I could wait a bit longer for gas & air as it was my “last resort” of pain relief and I was quite scared it would have no effect on me. The midwifes were sitting together on the couch in our lounge and at 9.50 I stuck my head in and asked to be shown how to use it. I sat on the bed and used it for my next set of contractions. It didn’t take the pain away, but I found if I breathed it through then it took the edge off the end of the contraction but not the beginning which was by far the worst bit. By this stage I was really really zonked, my head kept nodding off in between contractions which were now lasting a minute or more with only 30s-a minute in between them.

I could hear the midwives in the lounge making lots of phone calls to the hospital. They came into our room and explained that the hospital hadn’t read my results properly and they strongly advised me to transfer by ambulance. At this I point blank refused stating I knew the risks and they said OK.

Sometime after 10 I started getting the urge to push and my body started doing it involuntarily.

Jonno was beside me on the bed and I was clawing at his arm through the contractions. I was sitting with my back against the wall and I knew I was in a bad position and Jonno kept suggesting I change to which I’m pretty sure I told him to shutup! At some stage the midwives both appeared in the room and my MW did another internal to see if my cervix was fully dilated which it was (I was so happy hearing this – and misinformed too, I thought because I was fully dilated and my body was pushing the baby would be here straight away!) pushing at first felt satisfying although the contractions were strong and painful at the beginning. I stopped using the gas and air at this point (NO IDEA why in hindsight). The midwifes started telling me to push with each contraction but his head kept going back up. At 10.50 the pain became extreme and he began crowning, I can honestly say I have never experienced such excruciating pain. The midwives kept saying I should feel his head but I was way too scared. I felt like I was tearing horrendously and had no desire to feel what damage was being done. The midwives were telling me to stop pushing and breathe and I was trying/screaming in pain it really was the most indescribable pain. This went on for what felt like forever but apparently must have been about 15 minutes.

Eventually I couldn’t bear the pain anymore and pushed with the next contraction and his head and then his whole body slipped out. (11.06). They put him on my chest and it was the most surreal thing ever this baby with a HUGE cone head (hubby thought he was permanently deformed) all white and purple. I cuddled him for half an hour and we decided that we could cut the cord as it had stopped pulsing. Jonno cut the cord after a few attempts (that thing is huge, gross, and tough). I had refused the injection to help deliver the placenta and the midwives were getting impatient for it to arrive and tried to start pushing on my stomach to which I quickly fought them off. Ten mins later I had 2 big contractions and yelled for help and out it came by itself. It was disturbingly gross and half the size of the baby! I gave the baby to Jonno for cuddles and to be weighed and for me to be inspected (thankfully, after all the excruciating pain and damage I imagined I had done I was completely fine and didn’t need any stitches or anything at all) then had a nice shower. When I got out the baby was dressed and everything cleaned up, we just sat on the bed with the baby and called up my parents to come over. Eventually everyone left, after a few attempts to feed him (he was totally uninterested) we put him in his basket and went to bed, only waking once for a feed in the night.

Its been a long long time since I have updated. I’m so slack. I don’t even have a good excuse.

I’m still a long way from the lovely country I call home, New Zealand. While everyone there enjoys stunning summer days and long evenings, we have rain, sleet, snow, and darkness at 4pm.  The last 6 months have brought an entirely new way of life for me, and one major unexpected change.

You know that saying about plans going astray, well, yeah, I can verify that is true Still, my life is very nice right now, just a bit different from our plans of just a few months ago. We always had planned on coming to London for a few years to work. We planned on having a baby at some stage and coming back to NZ to settle. Little did we know that I was already pregnant when we left glorious New Zealand! So that was one small spanner in the works. I looked for work solidly for a few months once we arrived, but there was just no software development jobs going. In hindsight I should have given up looking a lot earlier and worked in a cafe, but I didn’t, and well, then it became too late because I sprouted a somewhat huge baby bump. Thankfully my husband landed a sweet job very soon after we arrived (and they love him, he has just had a promotion!), otherwise we would have been on the next plane home.

on the tube, blissfully unaware of the baby growing in there

So, here I am, jobless, and growing a baby in my belly. People ask me what I do and I have a hard time answering – what on earth do I do? Well, I spend a lot of time on eBay, that’s for sure. Having a baby has increased my addiction even further and opened my eyes to the designer baby second hand clothing market. Thankfully we also bought a car that turned out to be a piece of crap, because I spend lots of time fixing it or visiting our mechanic, who I am getting to be quite good friends with haha. I go for walks, I go shopping and have hot chocolates, I cook and sometimes I even clean.

Yeah. My life is pretty sweet. And on top of this I seem to have been blessed with the worlds easiest pregnancy. I haven’t had any morning sickness, or anything weird like that, and I’m only just getting to the uncomfortable stage where I walk the poor baby into door frames and stuff.

31 weeks pregnant!

What else is going on….

I’m so itchy. I don’t know what causes it, although I do have a general idea of what trigers it – water, or more specifically taking a shower. Generally I can minimize the itching if I just jump in and out very quickly and then slather some moisturizer on my legs. But – sometimes a quick shower just doesn’t cut it. Like right now. I really needed to wash my hair, and as you probably know, my hair is really, really long. This means it takes me a few minutes to shampoo and condition it, plus shave or whatever else I gotta do, and by the time I get out my skin is crawling.

I literally scratch to the point where I am covered in red marks and lines. It usually takes about half an hour for the urge to scratch to disappear and then about half an hour after that I feel like I can function normally. This has been going on for years and years, and I go through periods of months when I am fine and some where I am not.

I think maybe I have some kind of liver problem, or food allergy. Its getting to the point where I really need to do something about it, because its getting damn hard to scratch certain bits now I’m pregnant! Plus the thought of having a little baby and one hour of itchies freaks me out.

Yeah apart from that not much else. I feel my next few posts will be baby stuff related.. so please forgive me xx